That One Time a Man Put His Phone Under My Skirt

Did that title catch your eye?

Sit down kids. I have a story to tell.

Last week, I had plans to go out for sushi with my brother. I call, I text, no answer from Matty. Frustrated, I hop in my car to drive across the street to Subway. While standing in line, I felt something brush in the inside of my ankle. Having heard a story only days prior of a man at Wal-Mart who felt a brush at his foot that turned out to be a rattlesnake...I froze for a moment. "This is it", I thought. "I'm going to lose my toes to a rattlesnake bite just like that man at the Wal-Mart in Louisiana". I slowly turn around to confront my doom. It was no rattlesnake.

There I find a man bending down with this cell phone coming out from under my skirt, and a newly taken photo starting up at my from his screen.

I froze.

You always think you know how you'll react in this situation. Break his nose? Knee him in the...you know where? Shout at him that his momma taught him better than that?? Any of the above would have been reasonable. What do I do? I slowly turn around, start shaking and crying right there in the Subway line! I couldn't even muster my thoughts enough to order my tuna sandwich. I just teared up right there for the Subway employee to see when he asked me if I wanted my sandwich toasted or not.

By the time I got to the end of the line, I texted my friend Chelsey. "Call the police" was her immediate response. Then I text my lawyer Emme...who's not really my lawyer but a friend who is a lawyer ...so I call her my lawyer. "Call the police". By this point the man was long gone, but I knew I what I had to do. "Call the police".

The day unfolded as I met with the kind officer from Greenwood Village Police Department who tracked down the man, then had my identify him in what was one of the top 3 most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I'm not quite sure where things go from here but all I know is this:

I should have been at the sushi restaurant with Matty.